Someone rightly said, “The childhood of today is the manhood of tomorrow”. We all have certain memories of childhood. Some are sweet and some are scary. But a toxic childhood is a growing period in an environment that negatively influences the child’s self-esteem and sense of belonging. It’s connected with how this child was treated, was neglected, or was getting enough love and care, or considering life is good and secure or complicated and toxic. Toxic childhood is a by-product of toxic parenting or any toxic situation that happened during the period.
Healing from a toxic childhood may be difficult but not impossible, it’s so because those flashbacks and the behavior stay within you for long. Gradually, you start to question yourself for your choices, decisions because the initial stage of your life should have taught you how to live a healthy and well-balanced life but ended up teaching you more about fear, stress, doubts, and insecurities.
Here I’m going to clarify in bullet form to keep my thoughts straight for a better understanding.
Never blame yourself: There is a lot of embarrassment that comes together with childhood trauma, and you have to let that go. Children are taught to be hesitant to tell anyone and are often humiliated into silence. Understand this is something your abuser imposed on you. The fault lies at their feet only. You wouldn’t expect a child to save you from abuse now, so why should you hold the child you were to in several ways.
Seek the help of an expert: this is not something you can deal with on your own. Childhood toxicity often occurs while the brain is still in progress, which means there could be results to it, of which you are unaware. Only by hard work in dealing with core, underlying concerns could you even begin to heal from the harm that could have been done to you.
Realize there will still be people who don’t accept you: Recognize that and respect your boundaries and privacy. It will be painful to hear, so be selective in the people with whom you share your story.
Make something good out of a bad experience: Become a mental health supporter or guide to end childhood abuse. There are children right now going through the same thing, and you can make a real difference in their lives. People are mostly open to listening to someone who has experienced trauma themselves, so use that platform to educate people and help the stigma surrounding it. This will help others with helpful tips of warning signs to look for and may save a child from continuing in a state of constant abuse - and it will help in focusing all that pain, humiliation, and rage into something productive.
Focus on your healing: Ignore the stigma (I know that’s hard) and focus on anything that makes you feel stronger and wiser. One of the big things for me is that I felt weak and helpless to stop what was happening to me, so as an adult, I worked on my Mental Wellness exercises until I felt strong again. Also, distracting yourself to de-stress is part of this. Find a hobby, something you can drive yourself into and get lost in so that you find pleasure and a sense of achievement.
Allow yourself to be self-indulgent: Do whatever it takes to heal. Close out the world for a while if that is what is needed. Cut out the toxic people, completely go no contact with those who know and saw what was happening but did nothing to help.
Remind yourself that you are no longer in pain: For people who deal with childhood trauma, the symptoms are incredibly challenging to deal with. Your body always reacts as if you are still in danger. Keep in mind that you hold the power now. That needs to settle into your mind, and this is where therapy will benefit you most.
Don’t allow anyone to underestimate what you are experiencing as an adult: Childhood trauma stays with us, lives in each of our cells, and influences our thought patterns well into adulthood. Do not listen to people who say, “but that happened ages ago,” “just let it go,” “learn to live in today.” Those people do not know what they are addressing. You have every right to your feelings. What happened to you was shocking and something that people are uncomfortable confronting, so they blame you for not being able to deal with it. Don’t allow that to be a part of your story.
I know it’s a process and not a simple one, but it’s important for your mental health and your well-being. Maybe your toxic childhood didn’t teach you much about love, security, peace, and happiness but it taught you whom you don’t want to be, how not to act, what kind of partner or parent you don’t want to become, and sometimes that’s the best knowledge anyone can give you.
Do comment in what all ways you can see meaning to your life and don’t forget to share it and follow me on Instagram & Facebook - @relivewithsangeeta & ReLive-Because You Matter
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